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And a third, fundamentally more well-meaning group, will come over an give anecdotes about all the thick chicks they know who have male partners.

The number will usually total up to no more than 2 or 3 mind you.

Those stories ring hollow, because they ultimately amount to a futile attempt to amass enough exceptions to disprove the rule.

Moreover, perhaps folks aren’t considering that the partner-less fat girls simply remain invisible to you, and the thick girls with guys are visible, precisely because they are an anomaly.

Because desire is socially constructed (no matter how much folks justify their limited dating choices based on ‘natural preference’), the fact that we live in a fat-hating culture greatly affects who we’re attracted to, and what we find attractive. We ranged in size and skin tone, from short and petite, to tall and lanky, from light-skinned to dark-skinned, from skinny to fat (me being the fat one), and everything in between. My girl gave us his vital statistics and it turns out the brother is highly intelligent and very accomplished. This I discovered, as I watched him at different points during the evening, strike up a conversation and flirt with every single girl in the crew—except me.I wish I could say that this experience was isolated, but it’s been more the rule rather than the exception for me.I think of all that CRUNK club-hopping I did in ATL back in the early days of the CFC.So posts like this make folks uncomfortable, often leading to three kinds of reactionary (and unhelpful) comments. Even though we all have insecurities, self-confidence is not my major struggle.The first will be from those folks who insist that I must really have low self-esteem about my weight and that it must be coming through to the dudes I’m meeting. The only way to live in my body, doing the work I do, is to be confident.

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